Guiding Principles Moving Forward
What are guiding principles? They are the core, nonnegotiable beliefs that shape how I make decisions, face challenges, treat others, and live my life. These are principles I believe in deeply. Some have guided me for as long as I can remember, while others have grown more important through time and experience. This is a sample of the ones that matter most to me.
- Be kind, even when kindness is the last thing you feel like offering. It costs nothing and often gives back more than you expect. Kindness also supports your well-being and can improve your mental health.
- Be intentional with your life. I did not learn this until after age 38. Before then, I let life happen to me and mostly reacted instead of planning ahead. Things began to change when I asked myself how to reshape the foundations of my life. That shift led me to practice self-leadership and, eventually, to teach it to graduate students.
- Practice self-kindness, as in number one, and stop listening to your inner critic. The voice that says you are not smart enough, attractive enough, tall enough, or somehow lacking is lying. It creates doubt and insecurity, and it does not deserve space in your life.
- Prayer works, but not when you approach it by trying to tell God what to do. I used to pray as if I already had the answer prepared for Him. That is not how prayer works. The saying “Let go and let God” rings true, and it is still something I continue to work on.
- People will come and go throughout your life, and only a few will remain true friends. Those are the people who accept you for who you are, not who you try to be. It is never too late to make a real friend or to be one.
- Integrity is the foundation of honesty and accountability at work, at home, and in everyday life. Do not undervalue yourself by acting dishonestly or shamefully. Make choices you could stand behind if they became public, led to serious consequences, or had to be explained to the person you respect most. Would you still be able to hold your head high?
- Forgive others because it is right and because you need forgiveness too. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and sometimes forgetting is impossible. Holding on to bitterness harms your mental health. It also does not mean excusing cruelty or accepting harmful behavior. You can forgive someone and still protect yourself by walking away.
- Judge people with kindness, as in number one. People make assumptions about you, and you make assumptions about them. My father was a hard man, and there was a time I swore I would not even attend his funeral, yet I was his only child there. Over time, I learned that many of his harsh actions came from the limited path he knew. I have also made mistakes based on what I understood at the time. I hope those who judge my motives will look deeper and see that I did the best I could with the knowledge and experience I had.
- Learn something every day. My favorite question is why. Learning does not have to happen in a classroom. Every time you try something new, you are learning. Learning can be exciting, energizing, and motivating. It also builds confidence and helps you recognize your own strengths.
- Build self-motivation, or intrinsic motivation. When an action feels right as you are doing it, your desire to continue grows. Over time, you can develop a stronger sense of self-motivation. The reward you gain is often equal to the effort you invest.